by Jennifer McLennan, Simon Fraser University
download Redefining my sense of Home
After the birth of my first son, family and friends kept asking me, “so when are you going to buy a house?” “When are you going to buy a house?” “When are you going to buy a house?” This persistent question left me with the feeling that raising him in an apartment was somehow depriving him of a great childhood. It preyed upon my fears of not being able to recreate my childhood home. It gnawed at my anxiety that I didn’t know anyone who had successfully raised their children in an apartment. Probably my little innocent baby was going to become a psychopath, or a serial killer or much worse, a telemarketer.
Unbeknownst to me at the time of the birth of my son, this myth of the house with a backyard as being a prerequisite for raising children is largely a North American idea–most of continental Europe lives in apartments. They seem to be doing just fine. Growing up, I fully bought the myth. I assumed that I would automatically be able to buy my dream house before I was thirty. When I turned thirty-five, I panicked. I have two children. We are living in a two bedroom apartment. Where is my backyard? My extra bathroom? My extra space in which to put stuff I no longer want or need? So I did what any good graduate student would do and I took myself to the library in order to find out what was wrong with my life. What I wanted when I started my research on home was a nice tidy answer, a blueprint, a guide. I wanted to be able to follow a method or a system–what I uncovered was a muddle. Home is fraught with tensions–it is a place of refuge, but also a source of confinement. A place to escape from and a place to run back to. There are many unknowns as to what makes a “good” home. It is the intersection of many concepts: memory, identity, belonging, location, and time. I started diving into my own memories of home. I am very sensorially aware and most of my dominant memories are grounded in sensory experiences. The following is an excerpt from a longer piece of my sense memories of home. Continue reading
Tags: autobiographical, home, memory, family








